How The Wind Blows

6:48pm: Play Selection
One of the things I haven't talked about much here was being asked to be on a play selection committee last fall. It was such a wonderful experience! It was something I’d been wanting to do for years and years - probably since I started in theatre. There were so many times I thought, “Why in EARTH are they doing that show?” It made me want to be a part of the inner workings! I guess I thought I could fix it all.

But for a long time the theatre that I was involved in only wanted people with money to be on their board. Now, this makes sense to some degree - we’re non profit and having a Directors Board with cash means the board members know people with cash - and cash is what keeps the curtain up. But the problem is (in my opinion) that there wasn’t enough theatre people on the board, not enough people who know what makes a show work, and what doesn’t. But because I was not one of the affluent, I was turned down.

Well, in the years since I became disillusioned with that theatre and with play selection in general. Then a friend of mine and I were riding back from Cedar Point last summer when I confessed my old dream - to be on play selection. Well, she was on a board with a different theatre, one I hadn’t done a lot with, but one I respected and admired. She said, “How about you come work with us?’ I said “sure” and the next thing I knew - I was reading plays for the committee.

I did that all last year and it was so fun. Talking, discussing, arguing, laughing about plays - it was like meeting after meeting of some of the best English lit classes I had ever had - better. We didn’t always agree and we sometimes gave each other grief, but it was so fun to talk about art with a group of people. I’m sort of a natural born leader, I can’t help it. Give me a group with no head, and I’ll jump in do it myself. In our last meeting together as we were making the final cuts, no one wanted to take charge, to say what need to be said. So, I did it. And this year? They’ve asked me to be the Chair of Play Selection!!

Meetings start in the fall - I can’t wait!

2:19pm: Dipping a toe in
So much is going on right now in my life. I feel like I am caught in the middle of a whirlwind - or maybe, the first strong breezes of a whirlwind. I’ve thought about coming back and writing in here more than once. I’ve also thought about scrapping this whole thing and closing up my journal. I’m not sure what I want to do right now. I can see so much change on the horizon for me, and it is scary, but also very exciting. I debate between writing it all down and recording it - and the fear of jinxing it by looking at it too hard. So today I’m sticking my toe in, just the big toe, and seeing what it feels like.

The play that I am working on continues to go well. It seems to go mostly in fits and spurts. I’ll write nonstop for a few hours, and then days go by before I pick up my pencil again. The beauty of it though it that I know where I am going with it, I know how it will all turn out. The hardest problem is finding the time, space and energy to write. I’ve been jealous of any creative time lately, which is yet another reason I’ve spent less time on here. I find that Lj is great for keeping my creative muscles exercised, but bad for draining away energy, and more importantly time, when I need those muscles for something else.

(And yet, I miss you guys. I miss you a lot. I think about you and wonder what’s going on in your lives. I desperately want to catch up with you and see what I’ve missed. I want to take time to go back and read past entries and see the things I’ve missed.)

I have another creative project on the horizon as well. It might be another play, it might be a book. Last Wednesday night I was out with a girlfriend when my phone rang telling me that my aunt was taking my mother into the hospital. That call, coming at 11:00 pm, my sister’s voice on the line telling me that mom was going into the emergency room took me back to all the calls I got about my father. How many calls did I get late at night, telling me dad was being brought to the hospital yet again? And that final midnight call when I was told he wasn’t going to come back out at all. My aunt was driving my mom from South Haven - about an hour away, so I knew there was no point to rush to leave the restaurant I was in. It turned out that mom didn’t get admitted to a room until 3:00 am. During that time, as we sat there my cell phone conspicuously between us, my girlfriend and I talked about hospitals and death. Dealing with the poor health of a loved one, the medical issues, the difficult choices, the funerals. Our conversations sparked an idea between us - something that could be turned into art. We both realized it, and yesterday we agreed to get together soon and talk about it more.

Mom, by the way, is fine. The blood clots we were sure were in her lungs turned out to be 3 severe bleeding ulcers, and while serious and requiring a blood transfusion, ulcers were something that was fairly easy to deal with. I’m glad. Seeing her in that hospital did something to me. I haven’t stepped foot in that place since my dad died, and yet I quickly found I had forgotten nothing. I could almost find my way around blindfolded. It’s a knowledge I rather wish I didn’t have.

6:01pm: Marion and I
This weekend Michael and I went up to Ontario to visit his Aunt Marion. I thought of you, my Canadian friends, and if there had been more time I would have liked to have met up with a couple of you, but it was not to be. It was a fast 72 hour trip, but a good one.

Michael’s mother passed away a year ago in February. This Mother’s Day he was especially feeling the loss, and he decided he needed to make the voyage up to see Marion, her sister. Marion is 78 and Michael hadn’t seen her in over 10 years, though they have always kept touch with little notes, cards and phone calls.

Michael had told me a number of stories about Marion, and right from the beginning I felt a kinship with her. She was divorced in either the late 1950s or the early 60s and she immigrated to Canada from England in 1962. She’s never remarried and has lived alone ever since. Michael would tell me about her eccentricities and quirky ways and in them I saw shades of myself, patterns I recognized from when I was single. He told me she doesn’t like people staying at her house and that even though she had plenty of room, she would rather that visitors stayed in a hotel. I smiled with recognition. He told me on his last visit Marion was uncomfortable when he asked to use her restroom, and I nodded knowingly. Then when he told me about her gardening and love of birds and hippy ways, I knew she and I were two branches of the same tree.

I understand about valuing your own personal space. I know about enjoying people, but not visitors. I have been a hermit, I’ve loved my solitude, and I’ve valued my privacy. I lived alone for a long time and I know about having routines and patterns, methods and rituals. So for me, meeting Marion was a treat, and a glance into the crystal ball of what I will be when I am her age.

At one point we were discussing the cottage and it came up that I bought it. She looked at me with her bright eyes and said, “You kept it in your name, I suppose? I certainly hope you did.” Neither Michael or I said anything about it, but inside I grinned. I knew where she was coming from. She wasn’t putting down Michael, she just knows that a woman has to be able to rely on herself. In another moment around the kitchen table she said, “You can’t be yourself when you get married. You always have to be something for someone else. Well, I know I didn’t feel like I could be myself.” Michael looked at me knowingly, having heard these same words from me. “You two are alike.” he muttered under his breath. I met his look with a bit of a grin and said “See? I told you!”
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1:53pm: Sometimes, I think I was born into the wrong culture.
I am from a West Michigan Conservative Christian American Dutch family. What does this mean? Well, when it comes to food (which is what this post is about) not much. In the WMCCAD tradition, most main dishes are made with creamed Campbell’s soup (usually mushroom, with occasional additions of cream of chicken and cream of celery.) If it is a formal gathering you can expect ham on buns (dry little rolls cut in half and topped with one slice of watery ham, a piece of American cheese and butter) a pot of baked beans with a single piece of sad bacon floating in it, and usually at least one Waldorf salad. The truly scariest thing that WMCCADs do is side dishes made with a combination of Jell-O and chopped up vegetables. That’s right I said vegetables. Because what says “side dish” like orange flavored Jell-O with carrots and peas in it? Or lime flavored Jell-O with onions, cucumber and sour cream. (Don’t ask me what it tastes like, I refuse to eat it.)

I’d like to say “It isn’t all bad” and go on to tell some cute anecdotes about some good flavored foods my family produces, but I’d be lying. It really is all that bad. Of course, I didn’t always know that. There was a time in my young life when I thought Tuna Casserole (with Campbell’s Cream of Mushroom soup*, of course) was a real treat and that ham on buns was in some level an acceptable food for funerals, open houses, and weddings. That time has passed. (Now I usually prefer to eat a good solid meal before venturing to any family gatherings.) Please don’t think this is only my family, many of my WMCCAD friends will tell you similar stories.**

Fortunately for me, my father loved to cook. He was always good with anything that involved his hands - woodworking, drawing, home or car repairs, and I think perhaps his love for cooking came out of that. He liked to make dinner on Sunday. As time went on and his skill and cookbook collection grew, the Sunday meals got better and better. (As did dessert - he could make an apple pie that would steal your soul.) I learned to cook by helping him and eventually moved on to cooking on my own. From him I inherited an ability to know a good recipe when I read it, to improvise when necessary and a lust for trying something new. He hated making a recipe more than twice and I can be the exact same way.
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11:25am: A meme from the incredible ilipodscrill
If you comment I will:

1. Say something random I like about you.

2. Tell what song/movie reminds me of you.

3. Name something we should do together.

4. Say something that only makes sense to you and me (or more likely just me.)

5. Tell my first, clearest memory of you. (Which I will probably fabricate.)

6. Ask you something I've always wondered about you.


If I do all these things, you must post this on your journal so you can do unto others as I have done to you.

5:04pm: The Letter L
vaneramos gave me the letter L. I am to pick ten things that start with L and write comments about why I like them. I’m not a big one for memes, but this one seemed fun. Anyone who comments to this will be given a letter of their own to write about.

Lovely Letter L

Lemons - I love to cook. It comes from my father who was also a great cook. Dad never minded using shortcuts though, he was a big believer in using powdered ginger, dried out herbs and that bottled lemon “juice” from concentrate. So when I first started to cook I used them too, and I admit, they are easy and convenient. But over time I have been swayed away from the dark side, I now only use fresh ingredients. It started with garlic when I found that the real thing was far superior than any jarred variety could ever be. Now I firmly believe - you only use real garlic, real ginger, real parsley, and only real lemons.

Las Vegas - I have already written in here my fondness for the city of sin. Las Vegas is a place I could go to again and again, it has so much variety and so much going on. It is one of my favorite places to vacation.

Liver paste - that’s right, I said liver paste. My parents had this liver paste recipe that I loved growing up, (and this is coming from a gal who wouldn’t touch a liver with a 10 and a half foot pole.) It was kind of a family tradition, and something about when it was freshly made - full of garlic and onions and salt, thinly spread on Ritz Crackers. Thinking about it now reminds me of special family holidays like Christmas Eve.

Long Walks - (Ok, I know I am cheating here a little by using my L as an adjective. So what?) I love walking, it is not only exercise for my body, but it is good for my mental health. At lunch today I went out and walked out in the spring air for an hour and it was heavenly. I saw my heron, some robin’s eggs, bumblebees on dandelions, red winged blackbirds and flowers blooming everywhere. It was hard to finally turn around and come back to the office.

Lavender - I mentioned my passion for cooking, one of my other hobbies is gardening. I especially enjoy growing plants that I can use, like herbs, and flowers with strong scents. I love the smell of lavender, I have several sachets of it in my drawers of “delicate.” I also like the scent of roses - sometimes I think my fondness for these old fashioned scents is retro, other times I think I am channeling my inner 90 year old.

Lips - Oh, how I love kissing - deep liplocks and soft gentle pecks, feeling my lover’s skin with my lips and brushing his lips with mine. It makes me smile just to think of it.

Liquor - That old demon alcohol, spirits, cocktails, adult beverages... I enjoy them all. I’ve become a bit of a wine snob in my old age, and even more of beer snob. And going back to that inner 90 year old, I also have a passion for fine port, though I am just as likely to drink gin on the rocks.

Lemurs - when I was a kid they were my favorite animal. I’m not sure why except that I thought they looked like little old men, and I liked the Ring Tailed Lemur’s black and white striped tail. I also suspect that I liked them because no one else did, which made me different. Because that is just the kind of kid I was.

Lakes - I live in the Great Lake state, it’s a good thing I like them. Actually, buying a cottage on a lake was the best thing I ever did for myself. It s so wonderful being able to look out at the water, seeing the changing colors and the wildlife around it. Being around water makes me feel at peace.

And well, it had to be expected but - Live Journal - I have met some of the most amazing people on this thing. I have learned so much and became friends with so many great people. It has opened my mind, and my horizions, given me fashion tips, recipes, laughter and tears. I know there are problems that happen here, but for me Live Journal has been nothing but positive.

9:32pm: Michael and I were standing in line for Sunday morning breakfast when I saw him. He was working in the open kitchen, cracking eggs onto a griddle with one hand and shaking a skillet of black beans in the other. The line for seating in the vegetarian restaurant snaked almost out the door, so I had plenty of time to watch him as it inched along. At one point, I leaned against a door frame covered in flyers, homemade posters and tattered business cards and tried to be discrete as I checked him out. He was bopping and dancing to the Motown station on the radio. I watched as he shook his lanky hips and crooned along with Aretha Franklin about being a “Natural Woman” while cooking up omelets and batches of the restaurant’s famous ‘Cuban Eggs.’

He was six foot tall, long and lean. His clothes and hair were punk, his skin was sallow from being spending too much time inside, and tattoos peaked from beneath his rolled up sleeves. Heavy silver rings in his ears caught the light as his head bopped away to Little Richard and he did a quick spin before popping a skillet in the oven. I watched as he did a dance slide over to the counter and plucked off the next order.

Talk about my cup of tea! There was a time in my life where I would have done my best to pick that boy up. In my early twenties I dated a number of men like that - ones my mother always thought of as irresponsible because they were happy with what she called “dead end jobs.” Guys who were usually breathtakingly intelligent, but never did well in school, and usually failed to go to college. Some of them were artists or writers, others just too creative for their own good. All of them were a whole lot of fun. None of the relationships lasted of course, but I didn’t expect them to. Inevitably they would find someone more interesting than me or just get the urge to move on. It was ok, I expected it and stayed friends with all of them.

The breakfast line dwindled until Michael and I were finally next. I looked over at Michael, thinking how different he is. He’s mature, responsible, and caring. He’s open minded, but I am the one continually shocking him, rather than it being the other way around. Next to him, I am then strange one. Sometimes who you end up with is entirely different than what you expect.

As I was about to go in to be seated, the punk chef caught my eye. His eyes traveled over me, checking me out. When his gaze came up and met mine he smiled flirtatiously. I grinned back, and when he winked my smile got a little bigger. I returned the wink.

It’s nice to know I still got it.

1:30pm: Theatre Musings
Tonight is dress rehearsal. Hopefully there will be some people there to see the show. Most of the theatres around here charge $5 or less for people who want to come in the night before the show opens. It’s a good deal - you get to see the show, usually pretty close to perfect, before everyone else and for a whole lot less money. Of course, it IS a dress rehearsal so sometimes things go wrong, but then you get the “behind the scenes” peek that few others get to see. Back when I first started doing shows one of the big theatres had a regular crowd that would fight for those dress rehearsal seats. I never knew if it was because of the cheap tickets or the possibility of seeing a pre-show disaster.

This little theatre doesn’t have that kind of pull though, so I don’t know if there will be anyone there or not. I hope there is. The actresses desperately need to hear some laughter tonight to know where the comic breaks are - we’ve all listened to this show so many times we don’t find any of it funny anymore.

Last night the director and I were sitting on the stage, waiting for the cast to get into their costumes; taking a moment before everything got going. It was so peaceful. All the seats in the auditorium were empty and there were just a few of the stage lights on, throwing gold shadows across the stage. In the quiet, I looked around: at the bare stage, the pieces of the set not yet added, the speakers, silently waiting for the first sound cue. And I just thought how magical this all is. Sometimes I get tired and frustrated - right now I am running on fumes from too many late nights and too many long hours, but there are other times when I just think how lucky I am to be involved in something this magical.

I think of all the amaxzing things I’ve done on stage - ran pyrotechnics that involved creating 10’ high columns of flame, filling a naked girl’s bathtub with specially made soap bubbles so she could “take a bath” on stage, draining the glowing poison out of Peter Pan’s “medicine” as Tinkerbell “drank” it, rigging fly harnesses for the Ghosts of Christmas Future and Past, running fog machines and operating trap doors, doing a quick change that stripped an actor dressed as a baglady (complete with nylons and wig) and redressing him as a man in a three piece suit in under 60 seconds, creating a full tropical rainstorm on stage with torrential rain, blowing tress and lighting, making it snow on Christmas morning, and so, so much more - even a little acting. When I think of it I am so grateful for the girl in my sophomore art class who looked at me and said,

Hey! Why don’t you try out for the school play?

3:34pm: Love of Las Vegas and other things
I just got back from vacationing in one of my favorite cities - Las Vegas. The trip ended too soon, I could have stayed for another week. It isn’t about the gambling for me. I love the weather, the friendliness of the people and the unending things to do. I don’t live that terribly far from Chicago, but for big cities - give me Las Vegas every time. In Chicago they seem to hate visitors. Drive there and you end up paying $30+ a day to park you car - at the hotel you are staying at. Take the car out to the museum? It’s another $18 to park. Then, plan on hiking your way in because the place will be so jammed packed with people you are going to need to hire a guide to hike your way in. The hotels are all one price - expensive - and I have never met a Chicagoan yet who didn’t hate tourists.

Las Vegas, on the other hand, also wants your tourist money - but they are a lot more honest about it. That’s right, I said honest. Whatever you want - they’ll provide it, all for a fee. But at least it is out there - right in your face. You want a room? No problem, what kind of room do you want? They’ve got everything from el cheapo to rock star fabulous. Want to go to a show? We’ll run them at two different times and keep most of the attractions open until 10:00 pm or later - so you don’t miss anything. Have a car? Great, you can park for free anywhere you want - or we’ll park it for you (please tip the valet guy.) Seriously, I have never had my rental car upgraded for free as many times as I have in Las Vegas, I have never had nicer rooms with nicer staff. Sure, there are problems, but under the “We want your money” policy, they work hard to fix it.

Of course, I speak mostly of Downtown Las Vegas. I don’t stay on the strip. There are entirely too many people on the strip. I’d rather rent a car and then go where whims take me. And as I say, it isn’t all about gambling. There are amazing and breathtaking national parks near Las Vegas - Red Rocks, Valley of Fire and Mount Charleston to name a few. I love the vast differences between the glitter of the casinos and the harsh beauty of the desert.

But now I am back home and into the swing of things. As I mentioned awhile back I am stage managing “Door to Door.”
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1:27pm: I was stopped at a traffic light this morning, my mind wandering and thinking about the day ahead, when my gaze was caught by a young man. He was tall, rather thin and disheveled in the way that makes me think “homeless.” His long hair was ragged and unkempt as was the rather Cro-Magnon reddish beard that grew from his chin. His clothes weren’t dirty per se, but they were mismatched, baggy and had that well worn and faded look of being picked up from a Free Clothing donation bin. On this particular corner, not far from downtown, the bus lines and the bars, such a sight isn’t unusual. I don’t know why he even caught my eye. But when the light changed and I started to pull away, he shifted slightly, turned to look down the street, and that’s when I realized that I knew him.

His name is Casey. I briefly considered going back and offering him a ride, but I was running late for work and I was pretty sure I knew where he was heading. As far as I know, he isn’t homeless, though he might be. But I know he has a job and it’s not that far from where he was. He was probably already waiting for a ride, or maybe having a cigarette before he walked down there.

As I drove into work my mind jumped from memory to memory, remembering the times I’ve known him. I can’t really remember when I first met him, I’ve known his family for years, but I remember the first time we spent time together. It was in the early 1990’s and I was working crew on “Little Shop of Horrors.” Casey’s father was the Master Carpenter. Casey was our puppeteer.
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5:00pm: Stolen Moments -
My life is so busy now, so very busy, Most of it is good - things I love. Spending time with friends and loved ones, doing theatre and other things I enjoy. But when those types of things start filling up my days, then free moments are filled with the necessities of life: paying bills, washing dishes, running errands, which aren’t exactly fun, but there is a satisfaction in getting them done - in having a clean house, a balanced checkbook, a well stocked pantry.

But with that comes a lack of quiet time, of free time. Time to curl up in a chair and read, time to write in my journal, time to poke around in the garden. I can’t complain, my life is good, and yet, I miss those quiet times. Back when I was single I made them regardless. Even if I didn’t have the time, I stole it. I skipped paying bills or doing laundry. I didn’t call my mother that week. I took the phone off the hook. Sure, I paid for it later, but it was worth it.

Now that I am married, I don’t seem to have that flexibility. Again, not that I am complaining, and in fact, Michael does more of the housework than I do, but when you have someone else in your life, routines are established, patterns are formed. When I lived alone, I didn’t have a television, now I find myself watching the news almost every night. Alone, my dinner companion was a book, now Michael and I will spend hours over dinner discussing the state of the world. I used to run my errands after work, eat dinner at 9:00, go downstairs and hang out with a neighbor until midnight or later. Now I know there is someone at home waiting for me, someone who has planned their life around mine. There is less spontaneity, less fluidity. Michael complemented me recently that for a woman who was as set in her ways as I was when he met me, I have adapted remarkably well. But sometimes I wonder.

I went down to rehearsal recently and when I got there there the space was still full of kids and parents from a dance class that took place that afternoon. So I sat in my car outside, waiting for them to leave. I had a bottle of juice I had picked up at a convenience store on the way and a great book tucked in my purse. I cracked open the juice, tilted the seat back, and took out my book. I had about fifteen minutes, parked in the last of the setting sun’s rays, listening to the traffic going by, enjoying the time that was all my own. It was a stolen moment of irresponsibility - there was nothing I had to, and nothing I should be doing, and the time was all mine. I was sorry when it ended.

There are advantages to having daily routines. It is comforting to me to know that there will be dinner on the table when I get home from rehearsal tonight, that the house is clean and tidy, that there is order. The trick is somehow making sure that those routines are adaptive, not restrictive. I think that takes work, and an equal understanding on both sides about what the other person needs, both in terms of order and in chaos. It is something that takes time and compromise. I know this, and I feel wrong for occasionally chafing at the bit. There is so much of my life that is wonderful and perfect, I feel like I shouldn’t have to celebrate my quiet 15 minutes. I feel like I should be able to accept things as they are and not want more.

But sometimes, I do.

10:40pm: Tonight after I got home after rehearsal, I went upstairs to the bedroom to put some things away. I was in the walkin clothes closet, hanging up a few things, when I noticed that one of my shelves looked particularly dishevelled. The shirts that were normally tidy were in a bit of a mess. I must have been hurrying one day. I reached up and pulled the whole lot down so I could go through and refold and stack everything properly. One half of the clothing that fell with a thud to the floor spilled out in an inky heap. Everything in those piles was black. No, I wasn't reviewing my former Goth gear, it was my backstage wear.

11:09pm: When I pull up outside the rehearsal space, there are people already in there. In the quick drive by I do, I see there are parents with children. The children are jumping up and down and wearing "dance class" clothes. I knew there were classes taught there, but I didn't expect to see them in our room. Isn't it funny how after just 3 nights of going to a place it becomes "our room?" I pull around to the back of the building and find one of the only open parking paces. I grab a script out of my purse and start to read.

Perhaps I should back up. The space that we are rehearsing in is called "the annex." It belongs to another conglomerate of buildings that are letting us use the space to rehearse in until we go up. We aren't putting the play on there, we're just working there. The space is odd. It's a big room with wooden floors and mirrors on the walls like a dance studio. In fact, it is frequently used as such. But the odd thing about it is that it has huge floor to ceiling storefront windows that look out onto the busy street. Anyone walking or driving by can see what is going on inside.

As mentioned before, it isn't in the nicest area. We keep the doors locked when we are rehearsing so people don't just wander in, which they are apt to do. Even still it is not unusual to look up and see folks, their noses pressed against the glass, staring in. It's a little disconcerting, but it's what you get when you need a room to rent cheap.

In the back of the building the parking lot is a little creepy, but there are a lot of cars around, so I am not too worried about it. I lock my doors and settle in to read. I am on a Play Selection Committee for yet another theatre and it seems I always have a script or two at hand these days. I've got a ton of scripts to read and not a lot of time to do it in, so I grab extra time when I can. At present I am reading something that seems like a complete and utter waste of ink to me, and wondering why the other people on my committee loved it. I really don't understand.

When I figure enough time has passed I put the script away and grab my things and head into the building. I judged it right, the room is empty. As I set up and start getting ready for the cast to show up, my eyes are drawn to the resturant across the street. It's a take-out place and I am entranced by the sign in the window. It reads: Chicken - Fish - Kool Aid. Every time I see it I think, "I NEED to go over there one of these nights." The idea of getting a greasy bag of wings and a big plastic cup of grape Kool Aid just makes my mouth water.

11:40am: Door to Door
I’m stage managing a play called “Door to Door” by James Sherman. It’s been awhile since I’ve stage managed, maybe a couple of years. I like stage managing for the most part. I enjoy being a part of everything that is happening, seeing it all come together, but it is hard work and long hours.

I usually work 10:00 - 7:00, but when we went through the layoffs and repositioning earlier this year I talked to my boss about a flex schedule. I love my 10:00 - 7:00, in fact, it is nearly the ideal schedule for me. I used to work 11:00 - 8:00 and I loved that too. But with the changes in the company came a cut in pay for me, a fairly large one. It is a temporary thing, but it makes my bank account a bit tight - especially for the fun little joys in life like dinners out, vacations, or new red leather pumps. So, I convinced him to let me work what I wanted to, as long as I worked 40 hours a week. That lets me do shows when needed, and a few of them, like stage managing, even pay.

On the days I have rehearsal I’m working mostly 9:00 - 6:00, or more frequently 9:30 to 6:00 and taking a half hour lunch. (I love my time in the morning, I hate giving even a minute of it up.) I leave straight from work and drive over to the rehearsal space and get the doors unlocked and the lights on for the actresses. Rehearsals are scheduled to run until 10:00. I get home a little after that, eat dinner, talk to my husband and then go to bed. In the morning i get up and do it all over again.

Right now we are doing “table work.” The three actresses that make up the cast, the director, and I sit around a table and read the script. I fill in and read the parts that will prerecorded and played over the speakers during the show, like the voice of the television newscaster. Other than that my job is to make sure that the room temperature is ok, the bottled water is out and available, and notes are taken for things that the director thinks should be done. I sit and listen to the actresses read their lines and talk about the play, discussing their character’s motivation and themes in the script. At the end of the evening I put everything away in the closet and lock it up, turn down the lights, set up the chairs and lock the doors.

I have one more job as well. The space where we are rehearsing is in a pretty bad area. It’s being cleaned up, but it still has a long way to go. As the stage manager I watch everyone, I’m like the mother hen. I make sure everyone gets into their cars ok, and everyone is safe. Front the back door to the car door no one walks alone on my watch, not at night, not in this neighborhood, not nohow.

6:21pm: Finally - More about you!!!
I haven't been writing lately because I feel like I never have enough time. I barely get a chance to read anymore, let alone take the time to come up with thoughtful entries. I don't like to skimp on my posts, and if I can't do it right, then I don't do it. But tonight I managed to steal a little time. This project is still something I am bound and determined to complete. So without further ado - more about you!!

tabristheangel - If I were to do a "Six Degrees of Separation" I am pretty sure you would be the closest to me. In fact, I am sure we have met or known some of the same people as I have several friends who have done/are doing theatre in your neck of the woods. I won't try to find out though, because I like my lj identity being a secret. You know what? I like you Ben. I think you are a very thoughtful and introspective person - maybe a hard on yourself at times, but aren't we all? If I were a "go out and meet people from lj" kind of gal, I think I would enjoy meeting you and your lovely girlfriend. I could see us having a beer, talking theatre, movies and art and having a grand time. I am very glad you are on my friends list.

tescosuicide - you are a mystery to me. I barely know you. You were updating regularly for awhile and I got very interested in reading your dark and stormy posts, but I haven't felt like we've connected yet. Perhaps that is yet to come.

theuglyvolvo - Guys, this is seriously one of my top 10 favorite journals. Raquel, you are so honest and open and upbeat. Your journal is a joy to read. I LOVE the new essay style you've been doing lately. They have been cracking me up!! I've been thinking about giant mascara brushes in the sky all day!

togagirl - We had some really nice lj comments discussions last year. I hope that will continue. I wish the best for you, now that you are moved and seeming to be very settled in. I hope your building manager fires the maintenance guy!

tyrsalvia - I wish I lived closer to you! I want to go to one of you Hoop parties! You have a quick wit and a lot of interesting political information on your journal. I loved the project you did last year with the Top Posts of the Year, though I don't know that I saw how that came out. Maybe I was the only one who voted?

vaneramos - I think of you often, especially when I am up at the cottage and I hear an unfamiliar bird call. I'd love to have a beer and sit on the shore with you and talk the night through. I've mentioned it before, but I feel like you and I have a lot in common - or I guess I should say that I recognize things in myself when I read your journal. I find it interesting because we come from such different places - and maybe that is the beauty of lj, finding common ground where we would have never expected it. I love your writing and your art. There are so many of your photographs I wish I had framed - so many that give a lovely sense of peace.

waringfaction - Bet you thought I would never get to you, eh Greg? Darling, you are wonderful! You are such a great, clever, funny guy, and such a loving parent. The way you talk about your sons is fantastic - they are very lucky to have you as a dad. I love all the conversations we've had - you, me and Stalker Dawn. I consider you a real friend.

10:55am: Oh and!
One other thing that is going on in my life - I am in the process of reading books written by two folks from my friends list! I am reading "Calendar Girl" by drood and "A Lesson in Taxidermy" by beelavender.

The books are incredibly different, the only common links are that both protagonists are female, both authors are here on lj - oh, and both books ought to carry a "Don't start reading this over breakfast or you WILL be late for work!" warning label!

4:25pm: So, I got a nudge from one of you to update...
.... you know who you are.

I know I have been neglecting my duties. I have a whole bunch of you to finish writing about in the "All About You" series. I really do want to finish that up.

In the meantime, I will tell you quickly what I have been up to and what is drawing me away -

1. Layoffs. No, not me fortunately, but a number of good people I worked with. It is so, so hard to lay someone off. Unless you have actually been in that position, I don't know if you can understand how hard it is to sit across a desk from someone, someone who has been doing a great job, and tell them they don't have a job anymore. I saw a lot of tears last week. And it ripped my guts out to do it - but that is part of what comes with my job.

2. Restructuring - yep, this one effect me. For all intents and purposes my job is going away, actually, it is gone. I was supposed to be doing it until April, but as of today, we just made the plunge and I am now working in a different department, in a different capacity. I'm not sure if it is good yet or not. I think it is, but it is too soon to say. I feel a bit overwhelmed, a bit lost. But I know that is just the effects of it being something new, something I don't know yet. Unlike my old job, it keeps me busy though, which is why I've been spending less time here - and more time training.

3. Opera - I am working as a dresser on our local Opera Company. We're doing "West Side Story." Those of you savvy theatre types, and I know there is a bunch of you on my list, will realize that WSS is not, in fact, an opera. Yeah, tell me about it. UGH. It's not going well either, at least from my point of view. We open on Friday, so hopefully they'll have it together by then - one can only pray. The upside of working on it is the check. It doesn't pay much, but it pays enough. A nice little stipend, anyway. The restructuring meant a cut in my pay and I can use any cash I can get my hands on. The downside of the opera is that I have to cut out of work early to get to rehearsals, which means I am skipping lunch - another thing keeping me away from here.

4. The business. More on that soon!! Let's just say that things are going very well and I am thrilled with it. We've got our first customer, once we get their project underway I'll post more about it.

So that's it. More soon, I promise!

5:45pm: I have mentioned it here before, but I am an asthmatic. For the most part I have it under control, barring the odd attack, I do pretty well. But I have found that I need to get a moderate amount of exercise regularly because my lung capacity (like so much else) is one of those “use it or lose it” things.

Walking is the perfect exercise for me. For three months out of the year I walk during my lunch hours. It gets me out of the office and into the sunshine and helps me control my urge to kill when it comes to my coworkers. Michael and I also walk during the weekends. We take hour long walks around our neighborhood and we go hiking in the national parks. All of that is easy enough to do, except in the winter. Michigan winters are dark, cold, wet and gray. Walking regularly outside just isn’t practical.

So, quite a few years ago I got a treadmill. It is in our basement. I don’t know why, but at our last house that was ok, but at this house it bothered me. The other basement was actually a lot darker, dirtier and creepier, but here it made me depressed every time I went down there. So, Michael has hooked it up so there is a TV with a DVD and VCR player in front of it. He put in a headset with a long extension cord so whoever is on it can be entertained without having to have it at deafening volumes. He suffers from SAD and decided to kill two birds with one stone by building a lightbox directly above it, so he can get his full spectrum light while exercising.

Now, I’m not going to say that it works but... the last two mornings I’ve been walking on the treadmill (while watching episodes of “Cowboy Bebop”) and yesterday morning I found myself singing “Rainbow Connection” and “Pennies from Heaven.” This morning it was “The Time Warp.”

Now, back to the good stuff:

rednfiery - You are a great person, you know that? I probably don’t comment as often as I should in your journal, but I really like you a lot. i am glad we are friends!

saladbar - Oh clever and funny lady! You have a fun journal! I am not sure how you keep up with all your blogs, I have a hard enough time with this one. Your posts frequently make me laugh, and I absolutely love when you tell stories.

saltdog - you are a great teller of tales my friend, but you know that - and I’ve written it here before. I’ve actually read your entire journal from start to finish. It seems lately you’ve been uninspired, I don’t know if it is with writing or lj itself, it’s a little hard to tell. I hope you find your muse again.

taylor_warchild - We’ve known each other for quite awhile, haven’t we? I’ve been reading your journal with interest. It’s a little hard to follow, I get the feeling you are watching your words carefully. That’s understandable. But what I can tell is that you seem happy and I’m so glad for you!

slit - this is another journal that I just read and lurk in the background of. Good political and sociological entries that frequently make me think. Good stuff here!

spoonfeeding - now here’s another one of my favorite journals. I know you don’t update often (neither do I!) but every one of your posts is a gem in one way or another. Yep, you are another one whose journal I have read from start to finish. Every time I see your name show up on my friend list, I smile.

susanstinson - last I saw, you were going to be off lj for awhile. I don’t know you that well, because your posts don’t tend to be personal. Usually they are things going on - workshops and the like. But you seem like a really lovely person, someone I would like to meet.

sweet_vladimir - I hardly know you at all. I know we have some similar friends and I remember the post of yours that made me laugh and was the reason I friended you, but it doesn’t seem like we have gotten the chance to get to know each other at all. Perhaps we will in 2006?

6:31pm: More of All About You!
morty_baby - One of these days I’m going to head up north and we are going to sit on your porch and drink wine (or vodka) watch the cows and talk gardening. You are a funny, witty lady, and since discovering that we both have long toes, I now know that we are related, sisters separated at birth.

motel666 - I’ve been reading your journal almost as long as I have had my own. I miss your introspective posts, the ones that made me laugh and made me think. But I know you are hard at work on your book (Good for you!!) and I am sure all that brilliance is going in there. It won’t be too long before I’ll be able to stop at a bookstore and pick it up and take it home for myself!

muse - Lovely Jewel. Your journal is frequently like a mystery to me, but I think you like it that way. You have an amazing talent with words and images. Your writing can be like pure poetry.

cubanchic - You are another one who can write very evocatively when you choose to tell stories. I know that things have been very busy, and very hard for you lately. I hope that the sale of your company gives you everything you’ve been wanting!

nexussix - You seemed to have a pretty tough year, but through it all you have a shining voice - a brightness. I know sometimes things have been hard, but I just keep getting the feeling that you are a fighter and things are going to come out all right for you in the end. I feel like you and I have had some really good conversations via comments, and I hope we continue to do so.

penelopesque - Although I am not the mothering sort it is fascinating to me to hear about you and how you raise your daughter. I think any child whose parents are as thoughtful as you and your husband are is lucky indeed. When I read about you and your daughter, it sometimes makes me look forward to when my sister has kids and I can be “the cool aunt.” I hope then to take some of the lessons I’ve learned from you and apply them.

pindar - I haven’t heard from you lately. I hope all is going well with you. I don’t feel like I know you well yet, but I am sure it will come with time as we read each other’s journals more.

pinkroo - You’re fairly new to my friend’s list too. Another wonderful person I found through the clever Miss errantpenny. You seem like a sweet and kind person. I know you have had a couple of rough patches (hmmm... I seem to be writing that a lot. Wasn’t 2005 good for anyone??) but it sounds like you are doing well. I’m glad to hear it.

pteroglyph - John, in some ways I feel like I really know you quite well - in others, not so much. You are friends of people I know though we have never met. I like reading your journal - especially when you write descriptive pieces. I remember a ways back when you wrote a post about snow - you know, it has always stuck with me.

6:19pm: A Word to the Wise, Ladies - A PSA Brought to You by My Head
So, a couple of weeks ago I sat down with a flop at the dinning room table. I looked at my husband in dismay and said, “Michael, I need you to something with my hair. It hates me.”

Michael was carefully pouring the wine and trying to keep a straight face he asked, “And why, may I ask, do you think it hates you?”

“Look at it!!” I practically screeched. “For the last three days it hasn’t done a thing I’ve wanted it to. It looks limp and sad and miserable on my head. I think it wants to be removed. I need you to do something!”

Much to my dismay my hairdresser husband began laughing at me!! “You are the second person to tell me that today and the sixth this week - although they didn’t say it quite like that. Your hair doesn’t hate you. It’s seasonal.”

I looked at him with disbelief. “What do you mean it is seasonal? How can it be seasonal?”

He then told me that this happens every year after we get a month of cold weather. Normally he doesn’t get these complaints until the end of February, but December was a very cold month for us - far colder than normal. During extremely cold weather people spent all of their time inside, where there is artificial heat - drying, parching, sad hair making artificial heat. He told me that the heat sucked all the body out of my hair, which is why it was behaving the way it was.

“So what do I dooooooooo?” I whined.

He shrugged. “Wait three or four weeks. Maybe more.”

Unsatisfied with his answer I have embarked on a journey to refortify my hair. I’ve been using conditioner like it could make me smarter and drinking water like it would make me richer. I have a 24 oz. sports bottle at work that I am refilling 3-4 times everyday at work - plus drinking water at home with breakfast, dinner and all times in between. Sure, it goes right through me and I have now memorized the pattern of tile in my office restroom, but the benefit is, on top of just generally feeling better, my campaign has worked! My hair looks better than ever.

So ladies, if your hair is misbehaving, don’t grab the scissors. Grab your conditioner and bottle of water!

6:43pm: Some of the Ms
mallorys_camera - You do PR for a circus! You sell terrific hot sauce! (I know - I bought some, folks.) While I think you’d be happier writing your next novel, you do have some very interesting things going on in your life, lady. I hope 2006 brings increased tourism and a wild craze for all things spicy! I love your writing style, your wit and your interesting take on the world.

sunnysusan12 - Oh, lady of the many posts, I hope you find what you are looking for in the upcoming year. I feel like you and I don’t have a lot in common, but you do have a hopeful way of looking at the world that I admire.

maybe2 - Sometimes your journal is like a puzzle - mysterious with just fragments of thought. I like that. I’ve always enjoyed art that doesn’t tell everything, that makes you unravel it as pieces are revealed. I’m still getting to know you since we just met a few months ago, but I really like what I see!

michaelkeane - I miss you Michael. I hope everything is going OK with you. I worry about you sometimes. Everyone says the first year of marriage is the hardest, and I can certainly understand that. I hope now that you are into your second year things are getting smoother for you. I think of you often.

misanthropoid - your posts are a lot different than I thought they would be after so long of just seeing your comments in Greg’s and Todd’s journals, which is to be expected, I guess! I like hearing about you and your life on the farm. I like your practical, and slightly cynical, posts.

moosebroccoli - Moose, where are you?? You’ve been gone so long!! I loved your posts about your youth - I read those avidly. I’d love to see you do something like that again.

morganaus - Mary, you are one wickedly funny lady!! Your journal - and the comments you get and give - crack me up on a regular basis. But, what I like about your journal is that it isn’t all comedy, you’ve written about a lot of meaningful issues as well. You’ve got a very well rounded and interesting journal.

12:15pm: All About You - 2006 cont.
Monday are always crazy for me, so I couldn't update yesterday. But here we are - moving on:

hakkenkrak - You are pretty new on my friends list. I was lucky enough to meet you and maybe2 on about the same day. I think I met you through errantpenny’s journal. I’m still getting to know you, but I really like what I see in your journal so far. Some of your entries have really hit home with me.

hipstomp - The likelihood you will see this is pretty slim, since I just lurk in the background of your journal, but wow do I like your journal. You are clever and witty and you are a teller of tales, which is something I love. I think you would be an interesting person to know, Rain.

homewardangel - Ah Miss Angel, it seems like you have been under a lot of stress lately with school. Sometimes I wish I could just bring you a big smorgasbord of good food and then let you sleep as long as you want to! Then we’d go shopping!! I get the feeling you are truly a wonderful soul, I wish you the best as you struggle with all this stress.

humminggirl - I love the stories that appear in here. Well written, fun to read, frequently with a beautiful mixture of tragedy and comedy. I always look forward to what is written here.

ilipodscrill - We’ve had a couple of nice small comments chats. I haven’t heard much from you lately, but I hope life is treating you well!

inishglora - I probably won’t respond much to your political posts. I read them and usually agree with what you have to say, but I don’t have much to say in return. However, I really enjoy your journal and have loved getting to know you over the last year. You have a wonderful way with words and I really enjoy your posts.

jourdannex - I haven’t seen much you lately, pretty lady. But when I do your comments never fail to make me smile when I see them in fellow friends’ journals. You have such a brilliant mind. Your posts were so funny and so entertaining to read.

literaryhack - You keep changing names, but I keep finding you!! I know we aren’t much alike - I’m not nearly as good with the clever quip or the one liner as you and Greg are, but I enjoy peeking in your world - and even participating now and again!

lucylovebiscuit - I have really enjoyed getting to know you! Of course I should have realized that any friend of Bill’s would be fun, but I also have found you to be thoughtful, intelligent and kind. I think of you on a fairly regular basis because there is a company that makes stuffed monster dolls and they always remind me of yours. Although, theirs are not a quarter as fun, adorable, or as twisted as yours are! Yours makes me want a niece or a nephew I could commission one for!

4:31pm: A List of Good Things
chestertodd recently made a list of things that were simple pleasures. I liked the idea so much, I am doing my own. (In fact two of the items are almost the same on both lists.)

These are things that never fail to make me happy. Things that don't require a lot of money or even real effort - except for the effort it takes to take the time to do them. These are things I want to indulge in more of in the upcoming year:

1. Coming up with outfits I love that I've never worn before - with things out of my own closet.
2. Vanilla soy lattes
3. Reading, especially delving deep into a novel, cuddled up under a warm blanket with a cup of tea.
4. Long walks
5. Writing
6. Spending quality time with the people I love
7. Adult Swim and other pieces of animation I enjoy
8. Kissing for hours, until my lips feel bruised
9. Deep red couches
10. Working on my business
11. Going to my cottage
12. Michael changing my hair color
13. Cooking marvelous, tasty, healthy food
14. Learning something new
15. Playing board and card games

What about you? What are things that make you happy? What kinds of little things make you smile?

11:22am: All About You - 2006 cont.
Now introducing - D through G!

dcmisner - well, you practically never update, but I like knowing you are out there. The same can be said of fuxupyo. You guys are my only “real life” friends on this crazy thing called lj, and I like it that way. I like knowing someone who actually knows me is out there in the wings.

draysha68 - I know you through dcmisner, of course. I have watched your struggles moving from home to New York, and now dealing with the loss of your mother. It seems you have had a rough year, I am hoping that 2006 brings you peace and happiness.

drood - Oh my, I like your journal. It has so many elements I would love to see in my own - witty, conversational, sometimes thought provoking... frequently updated - all things I would love to do myself. Being an aspiring writer myself, it’s also wonderful to read things about the career of writing through someone who is there. Your first hand accounts about the literary world put a more human face on “being a writer.” It’s a good reminder that, like any job, it has its ups and downs, its office politics, its frustrations - as well as its joys.

epliady - How can I thank you enough? From tips on where to buy dresses and custom made lingerie, to fabulous recipes, your journal has been a real joy to read. Politically you’ve opened my eyes and frequently you make me smile.

ericaceous - I like your everyday posts. You almost always have a touch of humor in there that makes me smile. We’ve had some good conversations through comments as well.

errantpenny - You’ve been absent for awhile, I hope because all sorts of fun things are going on in your life!! It certainly sounded like things were heading that way! You are so remarkable in the way you open yourself up and really examine what is going on inside. Not many people can do that. You’ve got a real gift with words and I hope you keep using it - whether it is here or in those amazing travel essays you write.

felicks - I think I just added you to the friends list this year and I still feel like I’m getting to know you. I see your witty comments in many of our mutuals friends’ journals. It sounds like you have had some wonderful things happen in 2005!

fuxupyo - Like Mr. Misner, you are my other “real life” friend - and the one who introduced me to this thing. I even remember the night you told me about it - we were walking in Ah-Nab-A-Wen Park near the river. I don’t remember being all that impressed. Then I got online and started reading it for myself. It took a few months - mostly I entertained myself by reading your friends list, but eventually I had to try it for myself. I don’t see you very often, but I admit it is strange when you talk to me about things I have written about. Since I don’t share this journal with friends from around town, it’s odd to hear it referred to. Last time we talked, back in July, it sounded like things were going really well for you. I am so glad!! You deserve it!

gordonzola - I know you are on something of a break right now, and I miss you. Yours is another journal that has opened my eyes in a number of ways (many political.) Couple that with your sense of humor and savvy cheese advice, it’s a journal I look forward to reading. On top of that you have a terrific friends list - I have met so many interesting people from your list! Whenever I went surfing for new people to read, your list was one of the first places I looked.

12:30pm: Ok - here we go, on with the rest! B-C:

bebopmonkey - I haven’t heard a lot from you lately, but it sounds like that is because you have been touring and being busy with your music - which is great! You have a fun sense of humor I really appreciate and I always look forward to your “looking at the everyday in a different way” style entries.

beelavender - I’ve been reading your journal for a little while, but not commenting much. I still feel like I am getting to know your journal style. I do, however, have your book on my “Must Read in 2006” list.

beerwulf - You’ve had an exciting 2005 haven’t you?!? The last 6 months or so it seems like your whole life has been changing. You don’t update quite as much as you did - but I get the feeling that’s a good thing, that you are too busy living, rather than writing about it. One of these days my friend, you are going to find yourself a terrific woman - and then we’ll lose you all together!

benrosenbaum - Who are you Ben Rosenbaum? I have yet to know yea.

bikenerd - I like your journal - frequently your political entries go a bit over my head, but that’s mostly I suspect because we come from different places. You are a very interesting person, miss.

mattcallow - I’m not even sure you know I exist, so you probably won’t see this. I’ve been lurking at your journal for a long time. I love your photographs - and being that you are an Englishman living in Michigan (like my husband) I love hearing things from your perspective.

ca_blondi - You are another awesome person I have met through Greg’s journal. You write so candidly, so openly about all the things going on in your life, it’s impressive. I feel like you don’t hold anything back - and were I to meet you in person you would be the same sweet, funny, spunky gal I’ve come to know through lj.

chestertodd - Naturally I know you through the fabulous epilady. What a busy year you two have had!! I know you have so much going on, but when you have the time to write long entries, they are always so interesting to read. Your new posts that you have been doing about your detox are intriguing, and make me want to do something similar.

chzmongrrrweeps - Cheese Poetry. Enough said.

eamontoplease - you are another one I don’t know very well, but I like reading your entries. I especially enjoyed the ones you wrote when you were hooking up with your (now) girlfriend. Good stuff!

More soon....